Daily Wonderings

May 2007

I'm going to be 31 in two weeks. I'm not dealing well with this. *sigh* I didn't really struggle with 30, but I'm struggling greatly with 30.

I'm really tired. I think a little depressed these days. I suppose I'll figure it out eventually. *sigh*

There's a little roadhouse--Donnelle's--down the way that I've been going to for awhile now. I got to know the owners, and the food was good. Plus it was a fun place to hang out. I've had a falling out with one of the owners, and while for awhile I continued to go to the restaurant, I can't do that anymore. I rationalized going and spending my money there by saying that the one I had a falling out with wasn't in charge of the day-to-day operations of the place. But as he continues to be an asshole, I've decided that I'm not going to contribute to his success in any shape. I won't be taking friends or recommending it either. Not that food isn't good because it is. Just that I don't agree with supporting someone who attacks me.

It's kinda like how Dax's mom wouldn't eat at Sushi Club because she'd had to take reports from female employees that were inappropriately touched by the owner. In good conscience, she couldn't give them her money. Had nothing to do with the place itself, but everyting to do with disagreeing with the practice of the person in charge.

It's also kind like I won't go back to the classroom. I disagree with the practices in place, and I can't give them tacit approval.

Well...that job I was so very excited about is not to be. Due to budget constraints, they have decided to not rehire for that position. At least for this year. If something changes, then my friends will keep me in mind, but as we all know, that's a lovely pipe dream and it doesn't do anything to help me right now.

I'm really disappointed about this. I know I shouldn't be because I knew all along that it could have been a long shot, but it would have been the perfect job. I would have been good at it, and I'm disappointed.

Did y'all have a good weekend? I spent most of mine drinking and playing in the pool. I drank a whole lot on Monday; vodka martinis are not my friends, and I need to remember that. *sigh* It was all good and no one was hurt so all's well that ends well. I won't need to get that drunk again for quite awhile.

My puppy is getting bigger by the day it seems. I was giving her a bath tonight and I noticed how thick her neck seems to be. She's wearing her new collar, and on Sunday, I stepped on the old one. Put the tongue of the buckle right through my heel. Hurt like holy hell.

Had a bit of a something or other with the boy this weekend. I don't know exactly what happened (not because I was drinking, although I was) but because it was all so very odd. I do, though, think I better know what's going on, which means I don't have the level of anxiety that I did...because I know.

I feel a little apprehensive...kinda like something has got to give here soon, I've got to make a change. I don't know exactly what it is, but there's something going on cosmically I think. I'm sure I'm feeling a little crazy, but there it is. Probably because I'm going to be a year old in two weeks, and I don't feel like I'm any closer to being what I'm eventually going to be. I know that life isn't about tomorrow. It's about today. And it's not that I'm not enjoying life as I'm waiting for what tomorrow is going to bring me. It's just that something isn't right here. Probably hasn't been for quite awhile.

I don't know. *sigh* If I did, I'd probably not be at this point, eh?

There's really good news about another potential job, but I can't say anything about it until it's posted. I really, really want it, though. So please think good thoughts for me. I want it.

It's hard to be excited about it now, though. I'm in one of those moods. I don't know that there's anything more to be said about it than that. It's the same thing again and again, and again. You'd think that eventually, I'd know what the hell is going on.

Took the puppy out to Beth's again tonight. She fell in the pool. Did a good job of swimming until Mark could fish her out, and she didn't even tear the pool lining.

My baby and I had a good trip home. It was a long trip, and I did a lot of work, but it was a good trip. Cobbler slept the entire way home on Sunday. Poor baby.

She now has fleas. *sigh* She's got a flea collar, and I've given her two flea baths. I suppose I should just break down and get frontline or something like that. I just have a hard time justifying that expense. (I know...should have thought about that before I decided to bring a doggie home)

The big news is that I'm thinking about applying for a teaching job. I got a call from a friend earlier this evening, and she said that there's a high school English position available at her school. I don't know. I'm going to call tomorrow and see if I can get a little more information.

I think what most frightens me about the thought of going back to teaching is that perhaps I'm really not that good of a teacher. I was a spectacular failure at the last job (and yes, I know that wasn't all me...but I can't help but feel like if I were a little better at what I do, it wouldn't have been such a spectacular failure. A failure still, but not spectacular). Change is scary.

I keep thinking that if I'm going to be teaching, then I should make the move to Atlanta where I'm going to make a damn sight more money. But I'm not ready to do that yet. For some reason, I kinda feel like I'm here in Hattiesburg for a little while longer. I don't have that urge to be gone, to make a change...like I did when I left Reno. When I was done, I was done. I knew that I was ready to go and the decision was made just like that. I'm not ready yet, and that's about all I can say about it.

Just heard about the possibility of yet another job, one that I would want even more. Keep your fingers crossed for that one because it would be the better of the options.

I'm about at the breaking point with the boy. He keeps saying he wants to see me, he wants to see me, he wants to see me, but then I don't see him. I don't get it. If you really don't want to see me, then why are you saying that you do? I'm not prompting him to say those things; they come out of his mouth on his own.

My birthday is less than a month away. I've decided what I want this year. I want a smoker. I know that I've seen gas ones (I don't know if I want to tackle the intricacies of a charcoal one) for about $50. I think it would be good to do some chicken. Maybe some ribs now and again. Consider putting it on your list.

Two more days and I head for home. I took my doggie to see a friend tonight, and Cobbler jumped right in the car and settled down. She's a pretty good egg. Did I tell you that we're working on "Gimme Five"? She was pretty good at it last night, and she did it a few times tonight.

Some awful storms here today. Lots of heavy downpours. Thunder. Lightning.

I know this is going to be more information than you want to know, but I'm going to say it anyway. TMI has never kept me from saying things before, so I'm not going to let it stop me now.

I'm having an awful period. Or whatever it is. Last month I had a 41 day cycle and then when it finally came, it was very light. Two weeks later, I had what I thought was my mid-cycle break-through bleeding...and it has yet to stop. Two weeks later. It's a good thing that I'm not having sex with anyone. If I were, this would be really, really old. Reminds me of those days way back when on the shot. I just want it over with.

Did anyone see the article about myspace refusing to give sex offender information to the attorney generals that requested it? I am so glad that they did. I'm not fond of sex offenders, but when we start down the path of circumventing the law because someone has done something we find reprehensible, then we're on a dangerous course, I think. We cannot afford to give up the rights of other people because when we do, we are also giving up our rights.

I was also struck by the idea that our legislators in their infinite wisdom think that another great way to keep track of sexual predators is to make them register their email addresses. Give me a fucking break. I started thinking about it, and I have probably 10 email addresses. I don't check all of them, but there are certainly email addresses that have no identifying information. You wouldn't know if I was a woman or a man or how old I was or where I lived.

Tell me...what good is making sex offenders going to do? How is it going to keep our children safer? I already know that it won't. I can't. The only that that is going to do the job is to keep those people away from our children. Everything else is just a paper tiger. When we force our politicians to pull their heads out of their asses then our children might be safer. Special license plates, monitoring programs, registration requirements...all just a bunch of smoke and mirrors designed to distract us from the truth of what we need to do for our children.

Anyway. Rant over.

I'm exhausted so I think I'm going to take my puppy to bed. Y'all have a good night.

The update on Esteban is that he's home. He's as good as new. Picked him up yesterday, and we've been running ever since. We went to New Orleans yesterday, and we were in Mobile today. I was really glad to have my car back. I really hated that PT Cruiser.

It's been a good weekend. We were out at Polly's yesterday, playing in the pool and having a great time. I so have to lose some weight. *sigh* We won't go into those details because we're been here before, but let's just say that something really, really has to change.

Today Polly and I made our way to Bellingrath Gardens in Mobile. I have a few pictures but not many. Apparently the pics at the pool party drained my battery. I meant to charge it last night, but didn't get around to it. As soon as I can get the battery charged, I'll put some pictures up. It was actually a nice visit. We just did the gardens and not the river cruise or the tour the house. The gardens were enough for me. I almost stepped on a speckled black snake. We were going around a corner in the Oriental American garden and right there he was on the path. Scared the shit out of me for a minute. He (she?) slithered back into the woods and there we were.

Left my Cobbler in Polly's backyard. She was so happy to see me when I got home!!!

I brushed Blackberry today. Got enough hair off of her to make a whole nother cat, and there's still more to go. Good freakin' lord. She was patient enough to let me brush her for about 10 minutes. When she started brushing, I figured it was time to let it go until tomorrow. Ughhh. I'm hoping to get most of the mats out so I don't have to have her shaved. I don't know that I'd ever see her again if I shaved her.

Don't have a whole lot else to say tonight. Tired and ready to go to bed. So is my puppy.

So, the update on the accident is that the other lady did not in fact have insurance. When I called her insurance company today, I was informed that her policy was expired. Ummmmm...OK. Suck eggs. Now, state law in MS says that if you don't have proof of insurance, then it's an automatic $1000 fine. She wasn't cited yesterday, even though she didn't have proof of insurance. To be fair, I didn't have proof of insurance either. I was so nervous, I couldn't find the right card. But, I would have taken the ticket, gone to court and paid the $15 in administrative fees.

Now what happens is that I have to proceed under my uninsured motorist coverage. I think that means my deductible is either $200 or $250, and rental coverage is automatically provided. The long story is that I'm taking the car in tomorrow morning and picking up my rental car. I don't know what that's going to do to my car insurance rates, but the car will get fixed.

It kinda pisses me off that the only thing that happens to Anna is that she has some scrapes on her bumper. I want my deductible out of her...I want her to pay for the damage. One of the guys that I work with said that the insurance company will sue her, but I don't know about that. It would make me happy if they did.

Anyway. My pupper has figured out that she's big enough to jump into the chair. *sigh* I should have taken her for a walk tonight, but I took a little nap instead. I'm a really, really bad mom. Plus it was too hot.

So, I don't know what's going on with the boy, and that bothers me more than it should. He turns 40 on Sunday. I keep thinking that I should do something for him, just because I'm sweet like that, but I think I'm going to pass on that. I heard from the other boy today. He called twice, which was interesting. He's coming to the office on Friday afternoon. We'll see if he remembers my pressie.

I had my first ever real car accident today. *sigh* It was very traumatic, even though as far as accidents go, it wasn't that big of a deal. I was in the right turn lane, heading towards the light and she was turning left into a parking lot across three lanes of traffic. Apparently she had been given the "wave of death" to go across the far two lanes of traffic and didn't thought that meant that she didn't have to be careful about the third lane (my lane).

It was kinda funny in that was soon as we got our cars parked in the CVS parking lot, she came over, looked at my car, and said, "That damage was already there," referring to the scratches across my bumper. Ummmm...OK. Maybe (not), but scratches to the plastic bumper aside, the bumper is detached from the car. THAT wasn't already there. *grin* Stupid?

I'm trying to decide if I'm sore or not. My mid and lower back hurt, but I don't know if that's because I'm really sore if if I'm freaking myself out and thinking I should be sore. I took a hot bath with the sore muscle soak, and I'm still sore. I don't want to have to deal with going to the doctor and all of that stuff. *sigh*

Everyone I've talked to has been really helpful so far, so that's good. I started the claim with my insurance company within minutes, and the adjuster called me back within half an hour or so. The cops were prompt and helpful (even though htey didn't cite her for having no proof of insurance).

I think I'm going to need a new bumper and I think I'll probably need a new driver's side fender as well. They might just pop the dent out, but I don't know. I suppose we'll figure that out in the next couple of days.

Got my hair did this weekend. Have a lovely bunch of new blonde highlights.

Feeling a little depressed and anxious. Same stuff as always. Gotta get over that.

I should probably go to bed. I meant to iron some clothes tonight, but I took a long nap when I got home. Seemed the more prudent thing to do. I guess. I suppose I'll just get up early and do it or go wrinkly. Maybe I'll wear a skirt tomorrow.

I think I must be a badge bunny. In addition to the boy, who is being very soliticious...or at least he was the last two days and I better understand why he's been distant, not that it matters but I at least understand what is at the heart of it...today there was sheriff's deputy. Now I'm pretty oblivious in most situations, but I think he was hitting on me. My boss says he was. Who knows.

We're supposed to be getting some really, really bad weather here tonight. That doesn't make me happy.

Went to the coast last night to get my tattoo touched-up. Kind of a frustrating experience. I hope, though, that it's all good now. You meet some interesting folks in the tattoo shop. I think maybe the next time I decide I need to run away and join the circus, I'm going to go to a tattoo parlor instead of a bar or cafe or restaurant. The problem becomes, though, how to go about doing that. "No, I don't want a tattoo...I just want to sit here and write. Not necessarily about what's going on here, not necessarily about you, but just write." In writing marathon parlance, you go to a place with food and drink so you can in some way compensate the establishment for taking up its space. Not sure how that works in a tattoo shop. If it means getting a tattoo, I'd quickly run out of places to get them.

Something to think about, though, eh?

The Blackberry and I got locked out of the house this afternoon. I'd taken her outside to brush her, and the door locked behind us. *sigh* That meant that we had to go through the kitchen window. Thank god I live in a shitty house and could actually get in through the kitchen window. I suppose that I need to invest in a hidden key thing so I don't have to worry about hauling my chubby self through the window.

Speaking of which, there's a new book I want to get and read. I can't remember the title right now, but it's all about women and how while most of us don't eating disorders, most of us are preoccupied with our bodies and how much we eat and the quest to be perfect...I don't think I'm explaining it very well, but there it is. I was reading an interview with the author, and It was certainly interesting...and applicable.

Last Updated August 3, 2007

This page is the copyright property of Jen. Please direct any comments or questions to her by clicking on this email link.