2003 Daily Wonderings

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May 30, 2003

I suppose you can't really have a travelogue if you haven't left yet, but what the hell? What's the point of this site if not to indulge my every whim?

For some reason, my anticipated timeline always gets moved back. Tonight, I'd planned to be in bed by 9:00. Then it was 10:00. Now I'm finally being realistic and saying midnight. That will net me my normal four-four and a half hours of sleep. The car is gassed up, the water is in the floorboard. I was bad and bought some of those horribly addicting Kit Kat Bites. What more does a girl need than copious amounts of water and the kristpity, krunchity bite of a Kit Kat? Music would probably be good. Must remember to change the CDs in the car...and I must remember to burn CDs for certain friends who will be highly upset if I don't.

I'm feeling a lot overwhelmed right now. I mean, I've got almost all the packing done...for once all the school stuff is done. That's not what's overwhelming me, although, as I was driving to get something to eat, I remembered that since I'm taking the SonicCare, I should probably take the charger. One ain't gonna do me much good without the other.

I'm overwhelmed by what I feel to be the sheer enormity of the task I'm under-taking. Maybe it's because I'm doing it by myself this year, but I don't think that's it. I'm good at by myself. I think what it really comes down to is that I'm afraid that I'm going to fail at this. Lots of people have their master's degrees, but how many people have their doctorates? I get the feeling that some one up there is laughing at me, just waiting for me to screw this up royally. Like who do I think I am? Don't I remember where I'm from?

Most people don't truly know this, but I'm a basket case. Really. I think that most days I barely hold it together. I talk and play a good game, but really, it's all one gigunda mess. Right now I'm so stressed out about the thought that I might fail at this that I alternate between waiting desperately to puke and being ravenously hungry. (Much like my poor, stupid kitten, I'm a stress eater) Thus far, I'm erring on the side of caution and keeping things to just one beer and the sandwich.

Anyway. I'll be on the road tomorrow. Who the hell knew you needed so much stuff to be gone for two and a half months?! And I'm sure that once I'm gone, I'll be better. But, because I'm fixating on whether or not I'm going to yak, for those of you that visit the Villa de Jen, please be aware of the following:

And now I really have to go. Last minute laundry and the plan to take a soothing, relaxing bath along with half an Ambien.

May 31, 2003 4:13 am

I'm awake. I'm ready to go. The car was packed last night, and I was in bed around 12:30. I think everything is cool. Except, I've been throwing up this morning. Not massively or anything. Just a little of dinner and a whole lot of acid. I've never had such incredible now-lingering burning. God, why didn't the nurse call back yesterday? The results of this latest round of tests are in.

I hope this isn't an omen of things to come, but with my luck, sure enough. *sigh*

May 31, 2003

OK, so yesterday was pretty uneventful. Well, at least uneventful except for the prolonged puking in the bathroom of the Quik Stop on the corner of Vista and I-80. I thought I was OK, so I got in the car because, of course, I had to get going. The sudden and over-whelming urge to vomit hit me right about where the UPS place is. At that point, it was faster to go to the Quik Mart rather than return home. Twenty minutes later...I was ready to go. And, I'm happy to report that in spite of the puking, I was pulling on to the road at 5:00 am sharp. Yeah! Good for me. (I can do it Amber, I swear I can)

Other than that, yesterday was uneventful in a major way. There was the onslaught of bugs around Walker Lake. I was the only person, and I do mean only, heading down 95 going South. Plenty of RV's coming north, but no one to run along with me. It was on 95 that I did have my freak-out moment, though. I can't remember exactly where it was, but where ever it was, I was the only one around for miles. I wasn't paying much attention--probably singing along with the radio--and out of the corner of my eye, what should I spy but a freakin' huge snake sunning himself (herself? How do you tell?) in the middle of the blacktop. I screamed and swerved. Scared the hell out of me.

Other observations:

Moving right along, though. This trip definitely wasn't a pleasure cruise so sight-seeing and meandering weren't high on the list of things to do. I did, though, stop and take some pictures at the Hoover Dam. That's pretty awe-inspiring, and I'd never been there before. I have this very annoying habit (thanks Sner) when I drive of being single-mindedly focused on the destination rather than what can be found along the way.

I found myself wanting to stop in a sick sort of way and take pictures of the repulsive dinosaurs outside the "Dinosaur Park" in Arizona. What the hell is up with that? I'm driving along, minding my own business when I see these dinosaurs evenly spaced along the side of the road. Odd. Some of them were standing alone, others were locked in battle, and there were even a few devouring their unfortunate brethren. One of those was the little evil one from Jurassic Park (the velociraptor? sp? I was NEVER in to dinosaurs). Now that thing scares the hell out of me. I remember watching the movie with Dax and thinking it was such a cute little dinosaur, sweet and loving. Then all the sudden it flapped it's ear things out, spit, and devoured a kid. I had NIGHTMARES about that damn thing for weeks.

Anyway, I can't go anywhere without something odd happening, and I know you're all waiting for it so here it is:

I was beginning to think that this was going to be a record for me: a trip without any real incident. Just when I thought I was about home-free, I realized I wasn't. I stopped in Monroe, LA to go to the bathroom and get gas. As I was filling up, I noticed a gentleman (probably early forties) ranting to some one else who was filling up about President Bush's tax cut. I had fully intended to ignore him because we all know how I am about strange men.

Unfortunately, his previous victim had left by the time I came out of the bathroom. I was stuck. Ambushed. He starts talking to me. Notices my license plate. Asks me if there are a lot of Indians up where I live. I replied yes and kept walking to the car. Then he started asking questions...first speaking in German, then French, then Spanish, and finally Italian. I honest to God didn't know what he had started asking me in the first place. I truly couldn't understand him. I thought he was asking me if I spoke those languages so I answered "un pocito" for Spanish. And then he says, huh. I would have dead-figured you to have some German blood in you, what with all that white skin, and if it wasn't German I was figuring at least some Italian. Spanish huh?

And, as I'm getting into my car, and he's closing the door, he says, "You're a very fine looking woman. Very attractive. Yes sir, very attractive." I locked the door, started the car and drove away as fast as I could.

But wait...there's more.

Somewhere a bit further down the line, I decided I was hungry. I hadn't really eaten all day because the acid/nausea was back today, although no puking. I didn't even brush my teeth until this afternoon for fear of triggering the gag reflex.

Anyway, got off the freeway, got back on. As I'm merging, there's a white car--kind of cop car-ish that has to move over for me. That started about 30 miles of flirting. *sigh* He was so very handsome. So very handsome. (And it was a cop car...the plate was marked with the equivalent of Nevada's EX plate) He kept wanting me to pull over, motioned for it several times, but I didn't. I figure I haven't had such good luck with cops, and since he wasn't officially pulling me over, I wasn't stopping. But he was cute. *sigh* An added bonus was that for those 30 miles of flirting, I got to drive 85-90 legally. (The speed limit in Louisiana is 70)

Now where are the boys like that in Nevada? What's wrong with men on the west coast? Not that I want some freaky guy asking me questions I can't understand, but criminey. Men out west have next to no balls I've decided. (I'm sure there will be in-depth discussion on that topic at a later date)

It's late, and I still have to tell you about the dorm room. Tomorrow, though. I'm very tired right now.

June 2, 2003

I've been to my first class, and I think it's going to be a pretty good one. There are only six of us in the class, and apparently they were just waiting for me to arrive. It's my Reading Theories and Strategies class. I know nothing about teaching reading, and we're starting at the very beginning. Should be good.

I spent this morning running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Went to the SPGE office, then over to the post office to get my address for the summer (Jen Alex; Box 5345; Hattiesburg, MS 39406-5345 just in case you were wondering where to send the care package and the birthday presents...birthday is now only 11 days away), to the OTR office to establish my internet access, and then to the commons to make sure my food account was ready. Criminey.

Things I thought about bringing but then decided not to but now really wish I had tossed in the car:

June 3, 2003

Statistics is going to kill me. Not because it's hard, but because it's so incredibly boring. Holy hell. We spent 3 1/2 hours last night going over frequency graphs, histograms, line graphs, mean, median, mode, deviations, standard deviation, stem and leaf plots, box and whisker plots, range, Interquartile Range, etc, etc. These are things that I can remember teaching seventh and eighth graders. Ohmigod.

Don't get me wrong--the professor seems like a nice young woman. She's really interested in statistics, and she's really interested in making sure that *everyone* knows what's going on with regard to statistics. But 3 1/2 hours in a hot room, talking about statistics...killing me. I'm hoping that next week will be better because we'll begin to talk about validity and that kind of thing.

So, some annoying things about the dorm room:

Cable is a bad, bad thing. I do not have cable at home because it's so damn expensive and I'm a cheap skate at heart. Here, though, it comes FREE with the outrageous amount of money it costs to live here. I could see me just veggie out and watching TV entirely too much. The History Channel sucks me in and holds me hostage, although, most annoyingly, I noticed that they tend to play the same programs over and over and over again. Geesh. I am anticipating withdrawls when I come home.

In somewhat unrelated note, Mississippi has a vanity license plate dedicated to #8 Dale Earnhardt Jr (or however it's spelled). When I saw that, my first thought was only in this place would you have that. And then I laughed. Criminey.

Some good things about being in the South:

Hmmmm....right now that's all I got. That my hair is soft and shiny. I suppose that's enough.

June 4, 2003

"In my head in the middle of the night, in my heart in the middle of the night." Quick! Name that tune! Can you do it? Got an answer yet? Want some help? OK, OK, OK. Insomnia has returned these past couple of days. I'm so very tired right now. That on top of the persistent nausea.

It's been raining here lately. I suppose that's OK. It's not bad rainy. At least not what I've seen. I anticipate that will change soon. After all it's Mississippi, and it's been my experience that it rains here a lot. Like I said, though, the rain isn't that bad right now. I'm just waiting for the slashing, driving rain to arrive. I'm a little worried about hurricanes and all that. It's been a weird weather year, what with Nevada not getting a spring--just a jump straight to summer--the tornados in the midwest. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a hurricane. Wouldn't that just be perfect?

I'm pretty much settled in now. I've been to three of my four classes. Statistics is the only one that I'm worried about. I have two Adult Education classes this summer, and I get the feeling that I could really enjoy the Assessment class, which is the one that I went to yesterday afternoon. The professor is my advisor, Willie Pierce. I find it kind of funny that a man in his late 50s goes by "Willie". That's just me, though. However, he seems to have a philosophy of education that is similar to mine. I have to write a research paper (15-40 pages) on some form of adult assessment. I get the feeling that this course could be helpful in the inservice I'm teaching this fall as well as with my student teacher. I hope that I don't have my hopes built up too much about this class, but we'll see how that works out.

In my reading theories class, we were talking today about how much instructional time it takes to allow for children to become proficient readers. The number (and I'm not sure where it comes from) is 150 minutes of instruction per day. Where the hell do you find time for something like that? I mean, really? Where does that time come from? When you have other things to do? And, we were talking about literate environment and how it's important to have children be exposed to print. The recommendation there was 300-1500 books, magazines, papers, etc, per classroom to provide children with an adequate exposure to print. Holy hell. Not that I don't think it's important, but where does that money come from?

I suppose I'm feeling easier about this whole doctoral program thing. Everything is not yet resolved for me. I have this intense desire to have some one hold my hand through at least this first summer, just so I know what I'm doing. I don't think I'm as smart as every one thinks I am. Sure, I will work like a dog, but at times, that doesn't make up for the lack of actual brain power. I keep fearing that I'm going to be exposed as some sort of fraud. It seems like the easiest thing to do would be to ask for help when I need it, but I don't know how easy that is to do at this level...you know?

I miss my Flop Dog, and I miss my cats. The Flop usually makes his home downstairs by the couch (he likes to sleep next to the couch by the fire place...that's his spot. He guards the area under the window). There are times, though, when the Flop needs to come sleep with me in my bed. It's not that I'm feeling sad. He sometimes just needs to be near so I humor him. It's not that he makes a good friend to cry to, mind you. I only bring him upstairs because he needs it. It's not selfish at all. It's all for his benefit. Flop has feelings too.

And my babies. Well. Who can't love the Peach and the Blackberry? (Even though there are those who would disagree...I know deep down that really it's just an allergy to cats that keeps certain some ones from loving the sweet Sneach and the One-Eyed Bandit) I know they're in very good hands, and I appreciate that. I just miss them. I've got to get some film developed so I have pictures of them.

My birthday is on its way. I always have a hard time with it. There are lots of reasons for that, and I don't quite feel like going into all of them just this minute. I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do for the day, although it is Friday the 13th. That means I definitely have to do SOMETHING. Suggestions? Anyone wanna fly to New Orleans? I know I have to go to class from 1:00-2:30, but after that, I'm free. All forms of birthday tribute will be graciously accepted.

June 5, 2003

I've now been to all of my classes. I think this last Adult Ed class won't be too bad. I've already decided what my presentation is going to be about. Shouldn't be too bad. I've started printing off the articles for the annotated bibliography. I'm anticipating getting all of that stuff done within the next three weeks. Famous last words from some one who loves to procrastinate, but there it is anyway. Not like I have a ton of things to do, social commitments and wild men knocking down my doors.

I have to say that I'm struggling a bit with what to do with myself on the weekends. I'm not quite sure what to do, where to go. Maybe I'll go to the Palestine Gardens. We tried that last year after we attended the Blueberry Festival in Poplarville, but we couldn't find it. I wonder if the Blueberry Festival is this weekend? Hmmmm....at the very least, I suppose that there is plenty I can do if I want to. Or maybe I'll go to Shady Acres for that ice cream and BBQ. Or the Mississippi Grand Canyon.

I suppose I don't have to decide anything right this minute. I mean, it is only Thursday night. I suppose I could always go to the Watermelon Social planned for the McCarty backyard on Saturday afternoon. I know I heard one of the RA's talking about spiking things up with rum. That could be fun.

Speaking tangentially about the dorms...tonight there was supposed to be a meeting to talk about the visitation policy. Currently the visitation policy says that opposite sex visitation can only occur between the hours of 12 pm and 12 am. Now I have problems with that on lots of levels. Not that I've got nights of wild sex planned or anything. But criminey. I figure that we're all here as graduate students, and as such, I would assume that means that we're all reasonably mature adults. The resident life handbook says that there's some Mississippi state law that says there can be no overnight visitation of members of the opposite sex. OK, whatever. But what's with this need to micromanage us?

This building is very segregated in terms of men and women. The women can't get to the men's side unless they are escorted and vice versa. My access card doesn't work to get in the door on the men's side of the dorms; the men's access card won't work on this side. They've got us there, why the need to treat us like we're 12 year olds who can't control ourselves? What if you want to get together and study at oh, say, 9 in the morning? And...if I wanna have sex in my room, as long as I'm not disturbing any one, who cares if it happens at 11:00 am before class or at 11 pm after people have already gone to bed? I can be quiet, I swear!

In other news, I cannot figure out for the life of me how to get my DVD player to work. I can't the remote to do its thing, and I can't get the universal remote that I bought because I couldn't find the remote to the TV to work either. I don't know what's up with that. I don't think I'm smart enough. Suggestions? Tips? Hints? I suppose if worst comes to worst, I can always watch movies on the laptop. It does have a DVD player.

There are small gnat like bugs flying around my room. I have no clue why they're here. Or how they got here. Very strange. At least there are no roaches. Couldn't handle it if there were roaches. I have yet to be out at night so I haven't seen those nasty big ass things.

June 6, 2003

The rains up until this point have been pretty subdued. Today, though, the Mississippi rain that I know and love arrived. Rain in Mississippi is different than rain any where else in the world, I think. Sure, it rains hard just about every where you go, but there's a different quality to it here. It's almost as if the rain is trying to obliterate all the advances we've made as a civilization, trying to pound it away the buildings, the roads, the sidewalks all while it's erasing the natural world. An umbrella is about useless in Mississippi rain. A rain coat, would be better. I don't have a raincoat, though.

I think the rain started around 10:30 or so. I had breakfast and didn't feel so good afterward so I came back to the dorm to sleep until class. I woke up around 12:00 to the roar of the rain coming down on the roof. Incredible. When I left for class, it was coming down a bit more gently. I thought I could make it to class relatively easily. Wrong. The Monsoon began about two minutes after I left the dorm. By the time I got to the classroom, my jeans below the knees were soaked and my back was drenched. Lovely. There's nothing quite like being wet in a humid classroom.

At any rate, the longer I'm here, to more people I see that I recognize. The last two summers I've been here, there's been this caricature of a woman hanging around. She's older--I want to say late 40s, early 50s--and she's desperately trying to hang on to a youth she no longer has. She wears clothing that isn't quite appropriate for her, in addition to tons of gold jewelry. The thing that is funny to me about her is that she has this jet black hair, and I mean unnaturally jet black hair. The cut is horrid, though. I keep thinking that if she can afford to dress herself in the latest fashion trends AND sport all that jewelry, surely she can have some one give her a flattering hairstyle.

I made my way to the Payne Center today. *sigh* I went intending to use the EFX, maybe walk around the the track a few times, and then move to the Workout Zone and lift a little. So what did I do? I forgot all about the EFX plan and just hit the track. I did almost five miles of interval work. Good idea, Jennifer Lynn. Ah well, gotta start some where, right? And it was OK. I mean, I wasn't hurting when I was done. Right now, almost seven hours later, my left calf is hurting because I wore the New Balance shoes, not anticipating running. That's alright, though. I'll get over it. Tomorrow I'll wear the lovely Brooks running shoes that I haven't decided yet if I like or not, and everything will be fine.

I love that indoor track. I hate to run on the treadmill. It's so boring to run there, watching the digital numbers on the display tick off. I know that running around on a track might seem boring to some, but for me, it's easier.

I really wish I still had a bike. The Long Leaf Trace has finally been extended to USM, and it would be nice to just hop on the bike and go for a ride It's supposed to be a good running trail, though, so I suppose that's the way I'll use it. Stupidly, I left my camelback at home. I totally meant to bring it with me because with this being my third summer, I am planning to use the Trace. Maybe that's what I'll do tomorrow morning rather than going to the Payne Center.

I started reading in my Adult Learning Methods book this evening and discovered that I am suffering from "Imposter Syndrome." I'm afraid that some one is going to find out that I'm really not as smart as I pretend to be and that I really can't do this. Reading those words in the text was a light bulb going off. I suppose that deep down, I know that I can do this, and I know that I can be wildly successful at it. I'm liking to believe that I can't, though, to run through all the possibilities of failure and disaster.

June 7 & 8, 2003

Now...those who know me know that certain things in life happen *only* to me. God knows why, but there it is. Adventure, disaster, impending doom all rolled up into a a remarkably good ending. June 7 was one of those days for me. *sigh* Sit back and get ready. This one's a doozy.

There's some boring and mundane stuff to get through before we get to the good stuff, and I apologize in advance for that. We're still going there, though, and really, I'm not all that sorry about it.

So, the boring and mundane stuff. I got up and went to the Payne Center for my daily dose of pain. (hehehehehe...cute play on words, no?) There was a basketball tournament at the Payne Center. No problem for me because I was just going to use the Indoor Track, which just happens to circle the second floor, open in the center and looking down on the basketball courts. Holy hell. For some reason, even though I was there doing my five miles of interval work (I know, I know, I know...I couldn't do less, though, because that would be backsliding in my sick, little tortured mind) and there were other people in there walking and running, there were entire families camped out around the inner rail of the track.

Parents with little kids and strollers and bags, focused on the games below, and not on the havoc the children were creating. AND the freakin' parents got upset when I gave them dirty looks for being where they weren't supposed to be. Criminey. Just as I'd get into a groove, a small child would bound out in front of me. It was very frustrating, and when I would say something about how they were not supposed to be on the track, where people were trying to WORK OUT, they just sniffed at me. GRRRRR.

I suppose that's all of the boring and mundane stuff. Not a lot really, huh?

Now, here's where things get interesting. *sigh* I'd decided that I needed to get the hell out of the dorm. The plan was to visit Red Bluff, Mississippi's Little Grand Canyon. Amber and I had been there our first summer, but for some reason, my photographs of it didn't turn out. I knew that I wanted to go there, but other than that, I really had no plan. I thought maybe that depending on where I came out, I'd maybe go to a bigger city--say Vicksburg or Jackson--for dinner and then head on back to Hattiesburg. Really the only thoughts were to get out of the dorm and take some pictures, document my time here.

I made it to Red Bluff fairly easily. It's really not so hard to get there. Nothing much of note along the way--lots of dead armadillos on the road. Red Bluff is really nothing so interesting. It's just a split in the earth, caused by an earthquake. I suppose what's interesting about it is the colors. I don't know if they come out really well in the pictures in the photo album I've posted, and honestly, I didn't remember them from two summers before. In addition to the reds that give the place its name, there are incredible variants of purple--from soft lilacs to royal depths--and the yellows--butters and golds. Really, the mix of colors, interspersed with the greens from the trees and grasses is amazing.

The other interesting thing about Red Bluff is the natural erosion. I think that you get a feel of that from the tree roots picture, but it's even more dramatic than that, really. I get the feeling that at some point, the road will just cave in and disappear. Some parts of the paths around Red Bluff already look very fragile...that tree with the roots is right on the path. I didn't walk around it because I was afraid.

And perhaps saddest thing about Red Bluff is the garbage. Like lots of places parked out in the hills, there's a lot of garbage dropped over the edge and down the sides of the bluffs. Why do people do things like that?

This is the part that you've all been waiting for...the part where things get interesting. After I got back in the car, started down Highway 587, looking for things to photograph. Tucked back off the edge of the road, almost out of sight until you're past it, was a cabin. It was obviously deserted, and I missed it the first go around. I was tempted to not go back and take my pictures. I miss entirely too many pictures, though, so I turned around at the first spot.

Upon returning to the cabin, I carefully picked my way to it so I could take the pictures. Now, you don't know how difficult that was for me to do. First of all, it was a pain in the ass because the ground was soaked--reference the Monsoons on Friday. But, due to the childhood experiences at my father's house, I'm a bit afraid of wooded areas. I think they're lovely, but I'm afraid of all the things that might be living in them. Ticks, snakes, deadly flying things. The longer I'm away from such environments, the worse I make them in my mind. I know that at one point in my life, the woods didn't bother me. I think it began to truly frighten me that summer I went back to the farm and attempted to pick blackberries. Every wooded place holds the horror that was the farm, and there's just some kind of block there. I feel that panic well up in my throat, and I have an overwhelming urge to scream.

But anyway. Once I got close enough, I started taking pictures. It was trying to rain again, and there was a lovely black and blue butterfly flitting about. I tried to get a picture of it, but I'm not sure how it turned out. (Neither do you...it's on the next roll of film) I also tried to focus on the red lantern, but I couldn't get the right perspective. The other very interesting thing was the trees. They were covered in this growth--fern-like. Not kudzu. Interesting. I don't know what it is, and I think I'd like to find out, but I'm not real sure.

As I was getting into the car to leave, a truck pulled in behind me. I was just going to drive away, but the truck blocked me in. *sigh* Here I am, thinking that I'm about to be murdered by some crazed person who lives back out in the hills. All he would need to do was drive my car around the corner and NO ONE would know what had happened to me. Those thoughts must have been showing across my face because the older gentleman (early 70s I'm guessing) said that he wouldn't hurt me, he loves Jesus Christ.

Then he proceeded to tell me the story of the Marjy House (or however it's spelled). Apparently it was the home of a slave--before the Civil War--and a freed woman--after the Civil War. She lived in the house and was the cook for the Brattons. The Brattons and the Lenores owned lots of slaves and all the land around Red Bluff and White Bluff. That was interesting. He was telling me that wouldn't it be better to know the history of the photo instead of just having the photo? Yes.

And, then we began talking about the area. He asked me what church I attended and what I was doing in Mississippi. I told him, and he invited me to attend church the first and third Sunday at the little church down the way. If I was interested in history, I'd certainly get a lot of there, AND they'd feed me ...guaranteed good food, he said. Then he invited me back to visit Miss Bonnie. Miss Bonnie lives back in White Bluff, which was originally a thriving mill town with a general store, a post office, and a saw mill, but now just has him and Miss Bonnie, who is 90. I was uneasy, but he said that she loves to meet people and no one would hurt me. I love old people, and quite honestly, I miss them. I miss my grandparents. So, I drove the quarter of mile back around to Miss Bonnie's house.

I was warned before I got there that I'd smell cats--Miss Bonnie has 32--and dogs--I saw 4 small ones running around. I didn't really notice the smell, which is odd because I do have a sensitive snout. We were all sitting out on the screened in porch, listening to the rain begin to fall, and a "stone-blind" for eight years cocker spaniel came up to give me love. The gentleman (I never got his name) said that Susie didn't normally take to people. She and I hit it off, though, and I was getting the major puppy love.

Miss Bonnie was told that I was working on my doctorate, and she asked me why the kittens died in the summer. She's got a few that are sick right now. She thinks it's because it gets so incredibly hot in the summer and their little systems just can't take it. She reminded me of my grandma and my Blackberry. I couldn't answer her question. I was invited back the following afternoon for dinner with Miss Bonnie and her family...her son and his family were coming up to visit. There was, again, the promise of good eats.

I'd gradually been getting more comfortable--I like Miss Bonnie--and old guy asked me if I was married. I said no. He asked if I'd ever been married, and I again replied no. He proceeded to ask me about my hair--if it was my natural color. He said it was a lovely color. He complimented me on my eyes. All while I was talking with Miss Bonnie. I began to get uncomfortable again. While there, both he and Bonnie kept trying to feed me. Did I want a Coke? Some cookies? Some Sweet Tea? Finally I accepted some water. I didn't want to impose.

The old gentleman then said he wanted to show me the "chalet" he had for rent, maybe I knew some one who wouldn't mind the 40 mile drive to Hattiesburg. Now, I know you're all thinking the same thing. Don't do it Jen! Don't go! Like an idiot, I went, and really it wasn't that bad. It was just down the road a mile or so. It wasn't that great of a place--pretty dirty, actually, but again, it had one of those fabulous screened porches. This one was on the back, though, over-looking a small stream. We sat there and talked for about an hour.

He's been divorced for 4 years. After 44 years of marriage, his wife started cheating and then asked him for a divorce. He said it cost him about $1.5 million in property and investments to get out of it. He proceeded to tell me about his "rebound" relationship...cost him about $20,000 in a ten months, he told me, but that he was a prince of man. He let her live in the chalet, and he'd come in every morning at 6:30 to bring her coffee in bed before she left to her job as a nurse. He did not give in to his nature, though, and fornicate. He asked her to marry him...wanted everything above board.

He told me about when he was 15 and he and his friend would go down to the river (the Pearl River?) to shoot short-shelled turtles. Apparently if you shoot the turtle in the head, it floats and you can go out and collect it for dinner. If you shoot the turtle in the back, it sinks. Why is that, do you suppose? I don't know. He said that his mom was the best at dressing out a turtle. Have I ever had turtle, Sner? I can't remember. I know that I remember Uncle Wib talking about it once, but I don't think it was because we were eating it.

And then, he told me I was beautiful, and we'd known each other long enough, would I like to get married? I did that nervous laugh and said my mama would kill me if I came home engaged or married. I did not add the especially if I came home attached to a man old enough to be my grandpa. It might work for Anna Nicole Smith, but I'm thinking I couldn't handle it. He then told me that I could come up any time that I wanted to, bring a few friends, spend the night. However, I couldn't bring my boyfriend because that would make him jealous. He asked me if I'd like to go to dinner, to which I responded that I had friends who would be expecting me. I think that's the first time I've been proposed to by a boy. *grin* I mean, Tiffany proposed to me, but she's already married, and it was only because she wanted my cooking at her disposal.

Now, I really get the idea that he was lonely--very much so. It's gotta be hard to be divorced after so long, and I could tell that he was still in pain about how things ended and that betrayal. He told me that he and Miss Bonnie spend a lot of time together--he comes over to make sure she's awake and they have coffee together. He cooks for her at night and they watch the 5:00 news every evening.

I think I might actually go back to visit with Miss Bonnie, and I actually might go back to go to church. Like I said, I miss old people. I don't know, though, I have an uneasy feeling about the old guy.

Anyway. As if that weren't ENOUGH!!! After extracting myself from the White Bluff situation, I headed on down the road. You all will be overjoyed to know that I DID NOT stop at the tattoo/piercing tent at the motorcycle convention/camp-out at the state water park about ten miles down the highway from White Bluff. And why didn't I stop? Because I'm basically done with tattoos and piercings. I know what I want, and I doubt that a mobile tent can give it to me.

I did wind up in Jackson. I arrived there about 5:00, which means that of course, everything was closed. If I hadn't spent three hours in White bluff, I probably would have been in Jackson much sooner. The interesting thing about downtown Jackson is the art work. Since the Cows on Parade, lots of places have come up with their own things on parade...Reno did the bighorn sheep, right? Well, Jackson has Catfish on Parade. Some incredibly funny catfish. I took pictures, but you can check them out for yourself.

After wandering around taking pictures of Catfish, I was hungry and needed something to eat. I had no clue where to go, what to have, and it just happened that I'd parked right across from the Governor's Mansion. I walked up to the Highway Patrol Guard and asked him where I should go for dinner. Well. I think that I surprised the hell out of him and am probably lucky that he didn't draw down on me. Surprisingly, he didn't really know where I should go. He only works in downtown Jackson. Apparently doesn't eat there, and doesn't know any one who does. He did say, though, that there was a pretty nice restaurant right down the street.

Guess what that restaurant happens to be? Those of you who are familiar with the Sweet Potato Queens will remember Hal and Mal's. What the hell I'm thinking to myself? Restaurant and Brewery. Brewery. Yum. And I was hungry. I hadn't really eaten all day long. I did not get to eat, though. The restaurant was not "open" because of a Y101 concert. Tickets were $20, and I seriously debated getting back in the car and forgetting about dinner. But, for $20, it was Better than Ezra, and I figured, again, what the hell?

First up was Charlie Mars. Not bad. Not great, but not bad. Then there was the Benjy Davis Project. They may be good one day, but right now, I found their songs to be pretty juvenile. I suppose if I was at a kegger, they'd be great fun. After them (and at about 9:30) was Adelayda out of Birmingham, AL. I think I could like them. They seemed to be pretty good at rocking the uninvolved crowd. They were, however, allowed to do a fairly long long set, which included horrid covers of Sublime, REM, and some band I can't remember. It was 11:30 before Better Than Ezra came on stage. Worth it.

Anyway. An observation from the concert. Seemingly every one in the South smokes. Now, I know that's not entirely true. Betsy and Daryl don't smoke. They're from the South. However, at the concert (about 700 in attendance) it seemed like I was one of maybe 50 people NOT smoking. There were some beautiful women and men who were instantly unattractive because they were sucking on a cigarette. Do they not know about the dangers and inherent risks in smoking? Have they not seen the commercials or read the paper?

And there were TONS of underage people there. Lots of police, but lots of underage people with big black X's on their hands. I think I was asked to buy booze no less than 15 times. Lots of girly looking men, too. What the hell? I don't want a man who spends more time on his hair than I do on mine.

In spite of the smoke and the excruciatingly long wait for the band, I did spend the evening with several interesting gentleman. I let Billy buy me a drink. When he lit up, I moved away from him. He thought I was cute, though. And later during the evening, I let Chad buy me a drink too. Chad works at a bank in downtown Jackson. Chad is 28. Chad doesn't smoke, but there was nothing there. He thought I was beautiful, too, and was intrigued by my labret and nostil piercings. He wanted my phone number, but I didn't give it up. And the evening wound up with some guy that I had no clue who was. He never said anything, just mooned at me, and he'd been doing it all evening. Every chance he got, he brushed up against me. H was at least over 21, but I don't think he was much over 21. He reminded me a shorter, less red Nate. (sorry Amber) He was kind of all limpid and floppy.

Finally, about 12:30, everything was done and I was on my way back to the car. Do you know that there are precious few Taco Bells in Jackson, MS? Holy hell. I hadn't eaten all day really, and I was STARVING! When I finally found a Taco Bell, they were out of beans, thus no bean burrito, no onions add sour cream. What is up with that?

I suppose all of the day's experiences lead me to the following thoughts: Yesterday, I had three men tell me I was beautiful, and obviously there was another who found me attractive. Why is it that it's only in this place, down here, that I'm beautiful? Why is it here that I'm suddenly transformed and am attractive? I don't think I'm any different here than I am at home. Why is it that I can't make the transition? And why is it that I'm attractive for the most part to men that I don't want to be attractive to? I must admit that I'm getting real tired of being alone, and this whole thing perplexes the hell out of me. I mean, I don't think I'm UNattractive. I know what I am, and I know my attributes. I don't understand the disconnect, though.

Today (Sunday) has been lazy. I slept in a bit. I dropped off my roll of film. I went to Books A Million for a coffee and the Sunday Paper and learned that by being in Jackson, I'd missed BB King in Hattiesburg. I have to say that I'm desperately missing Starbucks. I'm not a real big coffee drinker, but there are no Starbucks anywhere around. The closest one is in Gulfport at the Barnes and Noble. I could just about kill for a Carmel Macchiato. The coffee I had this morning was a grande Raspberry Mocha that was more than half whipped cream. OK. Whatever.

June 9, 2003

This whole photo album on the webpage thing is killing me. I can't quite figure out what's going on, although, I kind of get the feeling that what's happening is that my individual photo files are too large. I need to crop them down. I don't think that I'll be able to have the really cute thumb nail page with the individual pages, though. I think what's going to wind up happening is that I'm going to put them all on a page with captions underneath them, and then y'all can just click on a photo for a large picture. We'll see though.

And speaking of y'all...holy hell some one slap me. I cannot talk the same way I did before I left to come down here. I'm talking like a native! Help! I just can't help it. Usually this takes being on the phone to Cari or Grandma, but not here where every one talks funny anyway. At BAMM yesterday, I saw the Southern Dictionary. I thought about picking it up so that when I come home, y'all can translate. We'll see how the summer progresses. I don't have Amber here this summer to counteract all the language craziness.

Today was laid back. Nothing much to report. The Payne Center was good. My intervals were much easier today, and I really wanted to stretch it a bit. I'm abidding by the 10% rule, though...no more than a 10% increase per week. I'm sure I'll appreciate that tomorrow. In a kind of tangentially related story about the Payne Center and interval training...when I was there on Friday, there was this guy there who was doing some interval training himself. Except, he wasn't really prepared to do any training, let alone interval.

The poor boy was wearing cut-off Dickies and an inside-out t-shirt, which OK, whatever you want to work out in. I've discovered, though, that those moisture wicking materials and the things that fit ewll tend to best when you're exercising. But, then he was wearing old, beat-up high top Converses. He kind of lurped around the track, and then he'd start running. Totally upright, his arms pumping up and down, feet pounding the ground. It was kind of funny to watch. Today I saw him in the Commons, and he was limping. Now, it's possible that he could have hurt himself some other way between Friday and Monday. Knowing myself and the way my calves hurt when I don't run in god shoes, I'm betting he was a hurting fuzz because of the shoes and his completely biomechanically incorrect running technique.

Just a reminder that Jen's birthday is now only four days away. Only four days. If you were planning on shipping something and having it get here on time, you're probably going to need to take care of that tomorrow...purchase, wrap, pack, and ship probably two-day so it gets here on time. Phone calls, cards, letters, packages are all graciously accpeted as my due. I know that none of you are planning to disappoint me. None of you.Once again, for those of you who have forgotten, the day is Friday, June 13th. I'm going to be 27. *sigh* Sucks to be getting older, but I take some consolation in the fact that I'm not as old as others who will remain nameless.

In the holy shit what have I done file, you'll never guess who called me this evening. Never. Go right ahead. You can't do it. Want me to tell you? It was Gene Dawson, older gentleman from Saturday. I have no freakin' clue how he got my phone number. I didn't give it to him. Yes, I told him my name, yes I said I was living in the dorms at USM. And that was it. He wanted to go to dinner tomorrow night, but I put him off. Then he asked me about Wednesday night, and I said I was going to New Orleans. He asked if he could come with me. Yikes!!! Holy hell. How do things like this happen to me?

June 10, 2003

Today was so not exciting. Sorry. I got up, went to the gym, ran sucky intervals, read some articles about phonemic awareness so I can write a one page paper on it, went to class, and started working on this thing.

June 12, 2003

It's been a busy couple of days here so no time for updating. I've actually been doing work. Go figure.

I'm feeling a bit out of sorts this week. I'm sure it has to do with my birthday. I know why my birthday is such a big deal to me, and I try to make sure that it's a big deal to the people around me. People can't do what you don't tell them to do. I always wind up a little depressed, though. Maybe it's just that I spend too much time thinking about it, expecting it to be different than it is. One of these days I'll have to give up on this insistence that it's such a big deal. I'll work on that for next year.

I went out with a friend last night to celebrate. A little dinner, a few drinks. It was a good time. I'm going to New Orleans for the weekend. I decided to stay in the Garden District rather than in the French Quarter. When we went two summers ago, we stayed in the quarter, which was fine with some one else. I'm not so sure that I'd want to do it by myself, though. Plus I wanted to see another part of the city. I'm staying at the Garden District Hotel...which is only two miles from the French Quarter. If I'm so inclined, I can make my way there rather easily. I've already gotten an assignment, though...I'm supposed to take lots of pictures of the old houses. Check. Will do.

I don't know exactly what I'm going to do. Maybe go to the zoo, which I hear is outstanding, or to the D-Day Museum, which I also hear is outstanding. I imagine I'll be steering clear of Bourbon Street as I'll be by myself. I'm not so good at the by-myself gig. Just in case, though, check here for a live feed from Bourbon Street...I'm hoping my boobs will not be appearing on the net. *grin* I am bearing in mind Sass's notion that in the summer it doesn't count so I can be as bad as I want to be. Maybe I'll be on Bourbon Street after all. I mean, Sass says it doesn't count, and he's gotta be right, right? Perhaps this is not the time to mention that I've discovered a new piercing (actually it's two) that I think I might want?

The rains have come again. It started pouring around 10:00 this morning and has been doing so all afternoon. I went to Gulfport after class tonight. I wanted to go to the Barnes and Noble there really just because I wanted a Carmel Macchiato. I read some magazines, wandered around the bookstore, bought the new live Led Zepplin CDs as well as the new Ani diFranco CD. (Yes Sner, I'll be burning you a copy when I get home, and yes Sass, I'll go ahead and make a tape for you...strange how it's *my* birthday but other people are getting the presents. Hmmmmmm.....something just ain't right about that) And the rain thundered down. I have to say that rain in the south is different than rain in other place in the world. There was also lightening. Fortunately for me, I was able to turn the stereo up loud enough to drown out any thunder.

Alrighty, all of you, I have to say...I'm disappointed. Thus far there has only been one birthday package. I received my precious Flop Dog (thanks Amber), but that's it. Tomorrow's the day. Where are the goodies? Just in case you forgot...the address is Box 5345, Hattiesburg, MS 39406-5345. Late presents need to be extra special, just for the fact that they're late.

June 13, 2003

OK, today is the day! "So you say it's your birthday! It's my birthday too!" "Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday dear Jen, happy birthday to me!"

Yeah! I'm off to the mall to buy a little holder thingie for my cell phone so that I can have it with me when I'm out and and about in New Orleans. And a cutie little shirt for tonight. Must have the cutie little shirt for tonight.

Anyway, I'm off. Wish me luck.

June 13 & 14, 2003

Well, I'm back from the den of iniquity. It was a good weekend, I think.

Friday before I left, I went to my class. One of the other ladies and I began to talk about drinking. They had all apparently gone out for drinks Thursday night and I missed it. Kathi and I spoke of the pleasures of that low-grade buzz or hum. Not quite drunk, just pleasantly happy and a little altered. You know...that thing where you've been drinking all afternoon or evening. Not a lot, but just enough. That's kind of how I've spent the last two days. With just that low-grade buzz going on.

As for the particulars. I do not have any new piercings! I think you should all be proud of me for that. Although...(you knew this was coming, didn't you?) I did get evaluated for a new piercing. I know, I know, I know that I said that I was done, but that was before I saw the Princess Diana. I knew that I wanted a triangle, but I'm not suited for that. The Princess Diana is an alternative to the triangle, and yes, just barely, I'm suited for it. Perhaps that will be an end of summer present to me! I am not, however, suited for a fourchette piercing, which makes me happy because I didn't really want one of those any way. I went to Rings of Desire in the French Quarter for my evaluation and to purchase some new jewelry, which was really the reason I went in the first place. (Honest) Speaking of which, I got a BEAUTIFUL piece of jewelry for my navel. Gorgeous.

Angel, the master piercer is a little over the top. I've been having a debate with a certain male friend about my body "modifications." I maintain that my piercings are "discreet." He says there's nothing discreet about them. I suppose everything is relative, though, after having seen Angel. I wish he could have seen her. She has TONS of piercings, and she basically has a full body sleeve tattoo thing going on. I'm down right conservative in comparison. She has twin Chrome Crawfords. I want one. But, I can't. Not only would that be approaching non-discreet, but it's basically the same piercing as my labret. Not ever going there again.

In other semi-related news, there is no where in the French Quarter to get a tattoo. Can you believe that? Just about everything else you can do, you can do there. You can't get a tattoo, though. I thought that was strange, but that just me.

I didn't take a lot of pictures. In fact, I didn't really take any pictures. There's a reason for that, and I'm sure one day I'll let that cat out of the bag. Out here in Mississippi, there's a big push in tv ads for vacations to Vegas. The commercials say, "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas." The bartender said the same thing about New Orleans. I had a good time, and that's what's important.

I elected to come back to Hattiesburg tonight. After last night, and after walking around New Orleans all day long, I was done. I was tempted to hang out on Bourbon Street again, but in the end, I was tired of Cajun food (I forgot to bring my medication...I was a miserable fuzz this morning) and just wanted to continue the low-grade buzz with some pizza. I got in the Sweet Potato and promptly missed my exit. Oh well. Just a little detour. That was OK.

The rains came again on the way home. It rained like hell on the way over, rained like hell on way home. No rain while I was there. The rains combined with the alcohol have left me way tired. I think I'm taking a bath and heading to bed.

June 15, 2003

It's been a slow day here so I figured that I would tell you a little bit more about the trip to New Orleans. Not much, but a little. It's been raining all day here. Killing me. Apparently it rained 2 inches here on Saturday. Can you believe that? Two freakin' inches. At home in Reno, we maybe see two inches of precipitation in three-four months. Here they get it all in one day.

Anyway. I had a palm and tarot card reading Friday night. I don't know if I believe in all of that stuff or not, but I didn't have a choice in the matter. I was dragged there, which is another story in and of itself and I'm just not ready to spill that one. Anyway. Some interesting things.

I think that's just about it...or at least all that you all are getting. Sorry. Some details do get to remain private.

I've cleaned like a fool today. Did laundry and I cleaned the floor. Amazing how filthy it gets. And that's it.

I've really got to get my statistics homework done. I've put it off for a week, and it's due tomorrow. Really, it's more tedious than anything. I think tomorrow I'm going to print the assignment before I go to class and then spend class working on the assignment. What do y'all think of that idea?

June 16, 2003

It has been such an incredibly slow day. I woke up tired, and it didn't get better all day long. What's up with that? It was a little cloudy but not rainy so that wasn't the deal. It was hotter than hell, though. Humid and icky. That was totally not motivating in and of itself.

Unfortunately for all of you who are living vicariously through me, there wasn't a whole lot going on today. My classmates were giving me a hard time about New Orleans. They wanted the juicy details, but just like with you all, I wasn't giving them up. They, however, got the benefit of seeing me when I was refusing to give the details. You all know that I blush with the best of them. And, of course, I had my blush going on. Bright red. You'll be happy to know, though, that they didn't get any more details than you did. I believe in equal treatment under the law.

Stats class is getting harder. Or at least the homework from last week was harder. That might be because I waited until the last minute to do it. I got smart tonight, though, and printed off the assignment for next week (what was covered in class tonight) and took it with me to "focus" my attention. That was so incredibly helpful.

Do you realize that I've been here two weeks now? That means there's only seven to go. Where does the time go when you're having so much fun? *sigh* I think I will NOT be undertaking any adventures this weekend and instead I'll get started on that 15-40 page research paper I have due by the end of the summer. Y'all think that would be a good idea? I think that would be a good idea. After all, it's for my major...I can't quite be half-assing it anymore.

Today on the NCTE-Middle list, there was a message from a woman who truly does not see a link between standardized testing and big business. I applaud people for being naive, but then there's just stupidity. Hello? Standardized testing is a multi-million dollar a year business. And did you know that McGraw Hill, which is the company behind many of the standardized tests that schools use has systematically bought many of the "canned" programs designed to help boost scores on those very same standardized tests? And did you also know that the Bush family and the McGraw family are as thick as freakin' thieves? Yeah...there's no connection. Freakin' stupid.

I must say that on the whole, I'm disappointed with all of you. The birthday accolades were decidedly slim. There were those of you that came through...Amber, Linda, Tiffany...but the rest of you are big ole slacker weasels.

And, for those of you who are using my pool this summer...just a reminder for you, as I received the pool rules in the mail today:

Bottom line...you live there. If you're questioned, figure it out and come up with something plausible. Thanks. I appreciate that because I'd really like to be able to use *my* pool when I get home.

June 17, 2003

I think all this rain is beginning to affect me. Most of the time I feel like I'm on the edge of not being mentally stable in the first place, and all the dreariness doesn't help with it. There are times when I think I'm turning into an emotional wasteland. Like it's been too long...I pushed things away too often. You know how some times you just feel like crying? That whole catharsis thing? I can't do that anymore, and I haven't been able to for a long time. I feel it, but it never happens. I think the person who does manage to eventually put up with my shit is going to have to wade through a ton, do a lot of work, be awfully damn patient.

Think I'm going for a drive. Maybe go to Gulfport and sit on the beach, ponder my insignificance in the world and then come back. Or maybe not. I don't have class until 1:00, and the assignment that is due is already done.

June 18, 2003

I feel better today. It started out rainy and dreary, but it brightened right on up. The monkey came out and started beating down, as Daryl would say.

I'm becoming very familiar with ERIC and microfiche. How is it that I didn't know about all of that by getting a bachelor's and a master's degree? I suppose that reflects a bit on the integrity of the program I went through. I've been researching portfolio assessment for adults and the integration of technology. I've found the articles, but I haven't begun to read them yet. I think it's enough that I've found them. Probably this weekend I'll actually get to reading them.

I think I'm going to be good and hang out here at the dorm this weekend. If I need to get out, maybe I'll go to Gulfport. Maybe. I'm anticipating getting lots of work done. I can't believe that I've already been here three weeks. Can you believe that it's been three weeks? Holy hell. Where does the time go when you're having fun?

This morning I made an appointment to talk to my chair about what I'm going to be doing here. I told him I didn't know what I was doing. He said he didn't either. To which I replied that I figured that's why I needed an appointment. He laughed. My chair is Willie. Funny guy. He was telling us in class last night that he's trying to figure out how to get his kids to actually leave home. He's 2/3s of the way there...one kid is gone, and the other two have gone and come back, gone and come back.

Now, I suppose for this to be funny, you have to understand that Willie (Dr. Pierce...I suppose I should really be formal about it) is a very conservative man. He shows up to every class in a suit and tie. We were talking about how educators are often change agents and how we have to be careful that we're being respectful of the culture we're entering. Having said that, though, he told us that he hates tattoos, and one of his sons has many tattoos. Dr. Pierce doesn't give his son a hard time about it--tries to be respectful of his son's decisions and friends. Apparently when his children's friends get kicked out of their homes, they all flock to the Pierce home. Which is OK with Dr. Pierce. He calls their parents, tells them where the children are. And, perhaps most importantly, he puts a little extra chlorine in the pool and suggests the children go swimming. No, that's OK...we'll (meaning the adults) will get in a little later. No, you haven't been in long enough to kill all the bugs. Go ahead, get back in.

We all thought it was hilarious.

Dr. Pierce did tell me, though, that I needed to go to the Delta. Apparently, Dr. Pierce is from the Delta...grew up with BB King. How cool is that? Maybe that's what I'll do next weekend. Maybe I'll go on up to Indianola, MS and see what the fuss is about. Every one tells me it's a different world up there, which makes me a little nervous. But, I suppose if I can handle partying on Bourbon Street in New Orleans, I can handle the Mississippi Delta.

I had a paper on phonics due in my Reading Skills Development class today. As part of the whole deal, we watched the video from the National Reading Panel. They're the ones who have mandated a skills approach to teaching reading...it's part of the brouhaha about No Child Left Behind. What a crock that was. Made my blood boil. They said that in their review of research, they found that individual silent reading time was a useful strategy for improving student's reading. But, they only looked at quantative research. They refused to look at qualitative research, which is precisely what most educational research is because of the very nature of the research--people. What the hell?

Another thing that made my blood boil was that if I were to move to Mississippi, I'd probably be making more money here than I do in Nevada...and the cost of living would be less. In freakin' Mississippi!!! What is that about? I know I'd make more money some where like Georgia, but in Mississippi?

June 19, 2003

So, today was basically a waste. Not that it's a bad thing. I only have one class on Thursdays. Willie came in and told us that regretfully, he'd been called to a Provost's meeting and couldn't teach the class this afternoon. We weren't too broken up about that. Instead of having class, for about half an hour, we were instructed on how to use SMART technology. It was a bit boring, but I'm very excited about it. I want a SMART board for my classroom. I guess there are grants available to educators, which means you can get the SMART board for about $1500 (like any school district has an extra $1500 hanging around), but then you still have to buy the projector. I WANT ONE!!! So very, very cool. Which reminds me that I need to email Mr. Landis and ask him about technology training for the Adams team. (I'm sure that the rest of you could get in on it if you wanted to...just let me know)

I'm planning to be a really good girl this weekend and get work done. I've signed up to do my presentation on how to set up classroom message boards on July 3. Good deal. That's the first day I can get it done so that's when I'm doing it. I'm also planning to head on up to Missouri for the holiday weekend. Hear that Cari? It's a twelve hour drive, and I'm leaving right after I get out of class at 6:00. That means I'll be sleeping most of the day Friday...if that's OK with you.

And I think that next weekend, I'm definitely going to need something to do, particularly since I'm planning on being really good this weekend. Do you hear me trying to convince myself? You think if I keep saying it often enough I'll really believe it and it'll really happen?

I suppose that if unless you've been living under a rock, you know that Harry Potter 5 comes out this weekend. I don't think I'll be buying the book. I know, I know, I know. I just can't get into Harry Potter. I've tried. I read the first book, and I read the fourth book. They just don't do it for me. I suppose, though, that I'll have to read it, though, just so that when the students ask me in August I can talk intelligently about it. Criminey. I don't think, though, that I'll be headed off to B-A-M (Books a Million) at midnight Friday night to get it. That's just a bit too much for me.

Daryl has been trying to teach me all about Yu-Gi-Oh. Apparently it's a card game. He says it involves lots of skill and strategy and that I will absolutely love it because I think a lot. I don't know. I keep thinking of all the video games Dax bought for me, trying to get me to play. Don't get me wrong...I LOVED Yoshi's Island. But, it wasn't something I could get into. Apparently playing Yu-Gi-Oh isn't a cheap thing, either. Some of the cards that you need in order to compete are like $40. For a freakin' card. What's that all about? Criminey. I think I'll stick with my charm bracelets...probably about as expensive.

I finally saw the Matrix! Now, I know that lots of people think this movie is just incredible. I thought that probably the best thing about it was that Keanu Reeves actually appeared to be able to act. Generally, while I think that Keanu is a cutie (*sigh*), the boy has some challenges when it comes to acting. I was a little disgusted by the predictability of some of, and I felt the whole romance thing between Trinity and Neo was an unnecessary addition. But then again, I'm not a real big movie watcher.

Although, this weekend, I'm thinking about going to see Alex & Emma. You know, after all the work I'm going to be doing this weekend, I'll be in need of some entertainment. I was thinking about seeing the Hulk, but I don't think it's appealing to me. Although I may just have to go buy the soundtrack as it features Velvet Revolver...which features the remnants of Guns N' Roses--my FAVORITE BAND OF ALL TIME--and Scott Weiland from STP. I know that the fact GnR is my favorite band might be shocking to some of you, but I am unashamed to admit it...I LOVED them! Nothing was better. *sigh* Where do the days go? Why am I no longer 16? *sigh*

In other news, what the hell is the legislature doing in Carson? What the hell are they thinking? I think it's time that we all write to our assemblymen and senators again, and I say we send them a message every single day until the situation gets resolved. I think it's ludicrous that they can't come to a decision on educational funding. It's late here so I'll write my letter in the morning, but criminey. This whole situation is bullshit. No wonder our administrators can't tell us anything. They don't know anything, and according to the article I read in the Reno Gazette, we may not even know anything until August. Schools might not be able to open on schedule because of this crap? Are you kidding me? What the hell? How can our elected officials, with any conscience put our children through this stupidity? How hard i s it to get it figured out?

June 20, 2003

We're all thinking about going canoeing. By all, I mean those of us in the CIR 705 class, including Tiffany from Elko. Betsy and Amber will remember the adventures on the Okatoma. This time I'm going to get the kayak, and hopefully there will be no drunk children on the river. Oh, wait a minute...it's Mississippi. What am I thinking?

Did anyone besides me see how badly my boys lost yesterday? Holy hell. 16-2? How does that happen? We redeemed ourselves tonight, though. Kicked the Cardinal's asses! Yeah. That's what I'm talking about...lose big, win big.

Ohmigod what am I going to do when I get home, and I don't have cable any more? I've been watching VH-1 all night. Ohmigod. I watched the 100 Greatest Songs of the Last 25 Years. *sigh* Did you know that Guns N Roses "Sweet Child O' Mind" is the #3 song. How freakin' cool is that? And then I watched a recap of reality tv that was actually pretty funny. Now I'm watching a thing about bad hair. Kind of funny, but they have Fabio commenting on rock star's hair. How does that happen? How does Fabio get to comment on other people's hair? Have you seen Fabio's hair? It's so incredibly funny. But then again, I've had a few Jack Daniel's Hard Colas. (Don't tell the people in charge of the dorm...I'm breaking the law) I have to say, though, that the Bad Hair program is HILARIOUS! I've have laughed so hard! So freakin' funny!

Quote from Fabio: "Real men wax." Oh no. No. I like the chest hair. Real men do NOT wax...despite what the men from Thunder From Down Under think. The chest hair is SEXY. Now, Robin Williams chest hair is NOT sexy. Jon Bon Jovi chest hair...SEXY. Jon's fuzzy chest got me past my fear of chest hair when I was in sixth and seventh grade. He was so hot it didn't matter. *sigh*

I think that's all I have right now. I recommend that you all tune into VH-1 at a time when you can watch All Access: Bad Hair.

Well, I thought I was done, but I wasn't. Sorry for you.

I've been shattered. Sebastian Bach, former lead singer of Skid Row and who has recently been starring on Broadway as Jesus, did something funky to his trademark locks. It's like two layers and he highlighted it. What? What's that about? I used to love Sebastian Bach, although not as much as I loved Rachel Bolan. (he's the reason I wanted to get my nose pierced...and I think with his short hair, I could be more in love with him now than I was then...*sigh*) What the hell? (And by the way, I could do a *much* better job on Sebastian Bach website)

Speaking of what the hell...what is this business about all the bad boys that I used to love and be so incredibly attracted to but now just find gross? I've gone to extremes! Now I like them clean-cut and conservative. Just in case you've forgotten and think you might have the perfect boy to set me up with, the following is the list of four:

There is a number five on the list, but as this is a family site (for the most part), you'll have to email me for that one. Please remember that I prefer them tall, lean, and it's always helpful if they're politically conservative. That way I can shock them and take on the challenge of converting them. *grin*

Speaking of men, where is one when you need him? The fudge brownie delight from Marble Slab will have to suffice as there is not a man in sight. *sigh*

OK. I think it's probably late enough and it's way past time for me to go to sleep.

June 21, 2003

Grrrrrr. I keep drawing blanks on my research...at least in some areas. I'm finally finding a whole lot related to electronic portfolios. From what I'm reading, though, it seems like they are not being utilized to their full potential. Or at least they're not being used in the way I feel they could be most beneficial. I'm getting nothing as it relates to Adult Education Methods and Materials, though, which is the frustrating part as I need 30 articles so I can do an annotated bibliography. Grrrrr.

It has been raining like no tomorrow here. The thunder and the lightening showed up today, too. There are three things in life I'm afraid of: Roaches, Heights, and Thunderstorms. I try to keep that fear under control, but some times I don't do so well at it. It was kind of funny and not funny around 5:15 when they came on over the PA system (apparently the dorm has a PA system) and announced that if your car was parked in front of the dorm or if you were parked in the first row on the side, you would need to move your vehicle because it would be flooded. Apparently they were diverting traffic off of US Hwy 49 because of standing water and accidents. Not playing around. Some one said that New Orleans had flooded a bit earlier in the week, but I don't remember hearing anything about that.

Speaking of New Orleans, the SPGE is taking an excursion there on July 12. Don't know if I'll go or not. Might be fun to go and do the touristy thing as part of a group. I suppose that will depend on whether I have other plans or whatnot.

And speaking of the SPGE, we had a supper club outing this evening. The supper club is where they load us up into University vans and then drive us some where a little bit off in the distance where we pay for dinner. Tonight we went to the Movie Star Restaurant in Purvis...about 10 miles from Hattiesburg. The specialty was home cookin', and it was pretty good. It was my first brush with fried catfish this summer, and the smoked ribs were excellent. The pecan pie, which they will ship anywhere in the United States was not excellent, though. I was disappointed. My pecan pie with whiskey sauce is much better. I do have to give them credit, though...the whipped cream was homemade and that was good. (Note that the link is NOT a link to my recipe for pecan pie with whiskey sauce...I don't bother polluting the beauty of a pecan pie with something so ridiculous as chocolate...not that I don't love chocolate...I just am a purist when it comes to my pecan pie)

I made myself super cute for the supper club outing. Not that I expected Mr. Right to be hanging around Purvis, MS. Just because I wanted to be cute. I'm mean, I'm always cute...sometimes I'm super cute, though. I figured that I wanted to go for super cute this evening. I tried to do the whole bed-head look with my hair. I read in a Cosmo several months ago that the best way to achieve that was to put your hair in hot rollers...making sure to roll your hair in different directions for a kind of piecey, messy look. Well...I suppose it might help if I had more experience with hot rollers. It actually didn't look bad. I violated the first rule of bed head, though...I couldnt' stop touching it. I was told that I had gorgeous eyes. I had the clear contacts in and not the exotic aqua ones.

Anyway. I'm off to do some stats homework. It's kind of confusing to me. There aren't any examples in the book of what she wants us to do in our homework, and we didn't go over it in my notes. Kind of frustrating to me. I suppose I should email her about that. *sigh*

Am I going to go to church tomorrow? Recall that the old man and Miss Bonnie have church on the first and third Sundays of the month. I could at least go get some (more) home cookin'. Then again, as Daryl says, I could also get married. What with the preacher there and everything. (where is the eye roller emoticon when you need it?)

But before I go, a philosophical discussion for you all: what is happiness? Do any of us know what it is? Because the world can be so *un*happy, are any of us truly happy? Can we be happy if there is unhappiness in the world? Just something to ponder.

I've been thinking about adding a message board/comment box type feature to the site. What do you think?

June 22, 2003

I worked hard this weekend! I worked really hard this weekend!!! I mean it! I did!

OK, maybe the truth is closer to I *tried* to work really hard this weekend. I really did look for research. I found a bunch related to my assessment class and the paper I have to write there. I, of course, have not read it yet. I did my stats homework. I've read a couple of articles that I managed to find and I'm officially 1/15 of the way finished with my annotated bibliography. I intend to be 2/15 done before the night is done. Yeah me! I'm also planning to do my mid-term for my reading strategies class before I go to bed tonight. And that's not actually until Wednesday, and it's an in-class activity. I'm just going to go through it so when I get it in class on Wednesday, I'll be ready and can whip right through it! How smart is that? Yeah. That's what I'm talking about.

Not a lot going on here. It didn't rain today. That's a plus. I got up and went to the bookstore for a paper and a raspberry mocha. Neither one was very good. The paper was incredibly insubstantial for $1.50. Kind of felt like I got ripped off. Much more information on-line; however, I like the tactile sensation reading the paper.

I did my laundry today. Went rounds with the stupid old chick with the ridiculous clothes and the bad hair. I went down to get my laundry out of the dryer (out of the DRYER). She was hanging out at the RA desk, noticed my laundry basket, and started talking about people who leave their things in the washers so others can't use them. At which point I told her I couldn't help her because my things were in the DRYER. *sigh* She followed me down to the laundry room, bitching the whole way. When we got in there, I causally said that my things were finished, and when I put them in the dryer half an hour before, there were *plenty* of washers available. Perhaps her bitchiness might be a bit misplaced and people would be down in a couple of minutes (washer cycles are 23-27 minutes) to move their clothing. She just harrumped and took clothing out of a washer. She put it on top of the DIRTY counter. I would have been soooooooooooooooooooooooo pissed if those had been my things. I can't stand it when people touch my things. Criminey.

The trip to laundry room also led to the burly, shaggy RA sitting at the desk hitting on me. Note to self: must stop unconsciously smiling at people. It makes people think you are interested in them. Every time I came downstairs, he was waiting for me, trying to start conversation. Not my type. Sorry sweets.

And speaking of men. Any one read the article at nytimes.com about metrosexuals? (In order to read the article, you'll have to register...all they ask for is an email address and a name) For all of you who think you have a boy to set me up with, here's something to keep in mind: I do not want a metrosexual. A metrosexual is a straight man who plays into all the stereotypes of a gay man. Likes shopping, likes hair products, likes getting pedicures and manicures, and the whole nine yards. Uhhhhh....OK....NO. I want a man. I do not want a man masquerading as a woman. I have plenty of female friends with which to bond over shopping and beauty treatments. I do not want a boy who takes longer to get ready than I do, and I'm pretty damn quick. What the hell is up with that? Give me a freakin' break. Sensitivity is one thing. The rest of it is just completely and totally unnecessary.

I think we've created a whole generation of men who do not know how to be men. Many of you have heard this rant before so I'll spare you. But criminey. A man. That's what I want. A MAN.

I spent some time today downloading tunes from KaAza. I don't frequently download music...just now and again. I go through phases, though, where I download a ton of stuff. Watching the 100 Greatest Songs of the Last 25 Years reminded me of some stuff I was missing.

I must spend time this week working on Learning to Swim. If I'm going to enter it in the contest, I need to have it mailed off by Wednesday. I must enter it. I just have to suck it up and get it done. Something is going to strike me, and it's all going to come together--the allusion I'm trying to work with and such. It's going to be great. I know it.

Anyway. I need to get back to work. I was just taking a study break. Yeah...a study break. That's what I was doing.

June 23, 2003...12:35 am: Just thought you'd like to know that I am now 1/6 (yes 1/6!) of the way through my annotated bibliography. I'm trying to decide if I want to read another 10-page article tonight and then write the entry for it so I can be 1/5 of the way done. I still need to do my mid-term, and I do have to meet with my chair (Willie) tomorrow morning at 9:00. I should probably attempt to sleep. What to do, what to do, what to do?

June 23, 2003

I think I have done too much reading. My eyeball nerves feel like they're trying to detach from my actual eyeballs. They hurt! It feels like any movement is very tight and the connective ligaments are really just ready to snap.

Spoke with Dr. Pierce this morning. He has been appointed the interim dean of the College of Education and Psychology. I don't think he's really too happy about that. He's been doing a ton of work so I suppose that's alright anyway. We talked about my program and what I want to be when I grow up. As far as a major or a minor, it doesn't really matter. All I need is 12 credits as electives. So, I've got my reading strategies class, and I'm thinking that I'm going to see about transferring in my Writing Project credits. Other than that, I'm considering taking a couple of IT classes to do the other part of the electives. Those might be on-line courses. Maybe I'll take the Dreamweaver course so that I actually know what I'm doing with this whole thing. Or I might see if I can get into the Dr. Tchudi class, the craft of writing. That would be pretty cool.

I might begin taking my dissertation class--at least the planning part of it. Dr. Pierce seems to think that I have myself together and know where I'm going. Shows how much he knows, huh? And then he said that we really didn't need to be having this conversation *this* summer, and that next summer would be soon enough. I do, know, though, what I'm going to be taking next summer. I've got myself situated, and that makes me feel a bit better about the whole thing.

I've decided that I'm going to a Royal's game over the fourth of July. Now, according to maps.com it is about 11.7 hours from Hattiesburg to Aurora. From Aurora to Kansas City is four hours according to the same site. From Kansas City to Hattiesburg is 12.7 hours. Now ain't that interesting? Of course, from Kansas City to Hattiesburg, you travel on interstate highways. Other legs of the trip are not all interstates. Lots of color, but no interstate. Why can't there be an interstate highway every where I go?

So tonight in my stats class we were talking about probability. The example of Russian Roulette was used. A bit morbid, yes, but recall I'm in Mississippi and just about every one here has a gun. I suppose they do things like that. I did not know this, but when playing Russian Roulette, each time you spin the chamber, another bullet gets added. So, by the end of the game, some one is going home dead. Right? OK.

Speaking of stats, we're getting our mid-term on Thursday. She told some one that while it would be like our homework assignments, we could expect that it would take us quite a while to complete--a full day if not more. Are you freakin' kidding me? Holy hell. I may be needing some help so those of you who possess some facility with statistics, please be aware that you may be on call this weekend. That means you do nothing but wait for me to call. I'm glad we understand each other with regard to this topic.

Any one got any opinions on the Supreme Court's ruling about the University of Michigan and affirmative action? Any thoughts about it? (I'm trying to find a comment box format that I like enough to steal the html code for...if I can't find that, then definitely after next Thursday and my presentation on message boards, there will be a message board system up for those of you wishing to talk amongst yourself)

June 25, 2003

I've been busy the last couple of days, even though I'm not sleeping again. I think I may go for a drive tonight after I'm done here. What's the point of being in a dorm room if you can't get some sleep? I suppose I could do some work, but I've been doing that. I had a mid-term today. It was OK. I think I did fine. Dr. Richmond, my reading strategies professor for the first semester, thinks that I need to switch from an adult ed doctorate to a educational leadership doctorate. She thinks I could make a difference in education, and she thinks that I need to be in charge of things. I don't know. I'm excited about some of the things I've been learning in adult ed. I suppose, though, that I don't need to decide what this minute what I want to be when I grow up.

I shipped my story off to Glamour today. I did a bunch of revision work on it last night so the finished version is now up. Some changes. I still had 192 words to use, but at that point, I couldn't figure out what I wanted to do with those words. I didn't accomplish what I wanted to with it, and I don't know if what I wanted was even possible. Kathy, one of the ladies in my reading strategies class, read it and thought it was fantastic. I don't know if it's fantastic enough, though. It's out of my hands now so I suppose there's no use worrying about it.

I'm feeling a bit used right now. It's kind of hard to explain. You know how you give to another person because that's what you do and there's little in return because that's what they do? I'm feeling it a little bit right now, but like I said, kind of hard to explain. I should be better at advocating for myself, I suppose.

Anyway. I'm having problems connecting to the server so I can get this uploaded. I don't think I'll be renewing my service with softcom in three months...their customer service sucks. I haven't been able to send messages from my outlook program since I got to Mississippi, and all they can do is tell me that it's my fault...I must not be typing the addresses in right. Don't be surprised if you don't actually have the opportunity to read it shortly after it was written.

June 26, 2003

So, what does it mean to be a true friend, do you think? What standards do you have for friendship? What do you expect from your friends? Where's the breaking point, the line that you can't cross? Can friendships encompass unconditional love or are there always strings attached to that?

I'm tired tonight, and my head hurts. I should be asleep, and I've taken an Ambien. We all know that the Ambien won't kick in for another two hours or so. Good thing I don't have class until 1:00 tomorrow. My head hurts.

Comps are tomorrow so there are many people on this campus who are in a frenzy about that. I know Daryl has been a little stressed out. I think he's feeling better about it now. He'll be fine. The only reason that Patrick didn't pass last summer was that he foolish did not fill the blue books.

I have so much work to get done this weekend. I received my mid-term for stats...she told us it should take us two days. I received a mid-term for my Methods class. I have a presentation for my methods class next week. I also need to get going on some more annotations for my bibliography, not to mention the fact that I need to spend some time working on my research paper. I've gathered the sources I think, but I haven't read them yet.